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January 2001
Have you hugged your pig
today?
Nostradamus had a verse for
it:
Victory cometh for late-bloomer
and Sooner.
The other white meat shall live large.
But there will be no concord in fat city.
A bizarre phenomenon has surfaced
in Third Millennium America: Humans are turning for solace to swine.
First, there was the United Airways passenger who got a free first-class
seat for her pet porker, claiming that she was disabled (a heart condition)
and needed the pig's companionship to keep her calm during the cross-country
flight. Disabled airline passengers have a right to bring along a service
animal -- usually a guide dog for the blind, not a comfort pig for the
nervous.
Now, there's the tragic tale of Hamlet. City officials in Concord, California
want to evict the 300-pound potbellied pig from his house in the suburbs,
reports the Jan. 5 Mercury News. It's illegal to raise livestock in residential
neighborhoods. But owner Sue Greenway says "the pig serves as a crucial
comfort for her husband, who has emphysema."
What's so comforting about a pig? The Greenways can't go for walks with
Hamlet, who is so obese he can barely totter. They can't cuddle a 300-pound
pig.
Perhaps pigs are comforting because they're unabashedly fat. As Americans
grow porkier, we seek to turn girth into a virtue. Or we're comforted
by knowing that Hamlet sports a potbelly bigger than our own.
The down side of demonization
To
defend John Ashcroft from charges hed criminalize a rape victims
abortion, Janet Ashcroft made public her own assault 35 years ago, when
they were law school classmates. Theyd been dating less than three
months when she was raped. His supportive response showed his caring
sensitivity, Mrs. Ashcroft told the press. "The thought that
he would do something that would make a rape victim a criminal is simply
not accurate."
Is that so? John
Ashcroft supports a constitutional amendment to make abortion illegal,
with no exceptions for rape victims. Such an amendment would make abortion
a crime. A woman who hired someone to commit that crime would be a criminal.
Ashcroft believes abortion is the murder of an unborn child. Logically,
he cant exempt rape victims: Its not OK to kill an innocent
child because its father is guilty of rape.
Ashcrofts caring sensitivity should be beside the point,
which is: Would he uphold the law as attorney general? Would he try to
impose his moral beliefs on others? He can be a nice guy and a menace
to abortion rights and other personal freedoms.
But thats not
how it works these days. Borking works best when the borkee can be made
to seem mean, cold, crazy, intolerant, insensitive. If his wife can establish
his niceness -- at the sacrifice of her privacy -- then hes got
the job. The down side of demonizing opponents is that it sets the bar
too low. Not a demon? Not a problem.
Pure Hillary
The First Lady is now a
senator: Hillary! Rodham Clinton was sworn in Jan. 3 by Vice President
Al Gore. Democrats' dreams of seizing control of the Senate soared when
98-year-old Republican Sen. Strom Thurmond threw himself on the celebrity
senator for a vigorous, possibly lascivious, hug. However, both survived
the encounter.
Mrs. Clinton's tragic flaw -- if it rises to the level of tragedy -- is
self-righteousness. And it was on display shortly after she disentangled
herself from South Carolina's Methuselah. Her post-swearing-in reception
was "a party at the ritzy 701 restaurant sponsored by the Coca-Cola
Co., health insurance company AFLAC and the law firm Long, Aldridge and
Norman," the New York Daily News reported.
During her campaign, Mrs. Clinton pledged to be a leader on health care
reform and campaign finance reform. But she's already taking favors from
a major insurance company (the one with the quacking duck commercial).
Clinton's spokesman Howard Wolfson "scoffed at the suggestion that
she would be unduly influenced by the health care industry," the
Daily News said.
Why? Because she's too pure to be corrupted? Or too regal to notice who's
paying for the petits-four?
George W. Bush, the one who
didn't invent the Internet, was the choice of most high-tech workers,
says a Dec.
25 Business Week analysis. About a third of voters are in the "New
Prosperity" bloc, according to the Pew Research Center. They tend
to think Republican on financial issues, Democratic on most social issues.
(Affirmative action is an exception.) In 1996, independent voters working
in "New Prosperity" jobs favored Clinton over Dole by a small
margin. In 2000, they voted for Bush over Gore by two to one.
Why? Gore's populist rhetoric turned them off. "Gore's platform was
a long list of things we should spend money on...to win over certain segments
of voters,'' Richard W. Lowenthal told Business Week. A former Cisco veep,
Lowenthal supported Clinton-Gore in '92 and '96. However, "New Prosperity"
voters also are turned off by the Religious Right and they're major-league
tree-huggers. Bush's choice of the pious John Ashcroft for attorney general
and pro-drilling Gale Norton for Interior could send Prosperitarians fleeing
back to the Democratic candidate in 2004.
Hillary!?
Hispanic like a Fox
Linda Chavez,
George W. Bush's nominee for Secretary of Labor, is under attack for her
conservative beliefs. And for not being a "real" Hispanic. She's
not bicultural. The Chavezes have been New Mexicans since the 1600s. They've
assimilated. She's not bilingual. At some point after 1848, when Mexico
lost New Mexico to the United States, the Chavezes switched to English.
She's not biracial. The Chavezes came from Spain. She is not mono-ethnic.
Her mother's family is Irish and English. (Mexican presidente Vicente
Fox also is Spanish-Irish.) She's not a Democrat. As a columnist, she
opposed affirmative action, bilingual education and identity politics.
If Chavez was up for La Suprema Chicana, this would matter.
A short, happy book
Perhaps it's nasty, brutish and short-tempered of me, but I enjoyed
Louis Bayard's hit
piece in Salon on Anna Quindlen's vacuous "Short Guide to a Happy
Life."
As a former New York Times columnist turned novelist, Quindlen was able
to propel her mini-book -- small pages, large type, wide margins, lots
of art --to the best-seller list. I'm a former newspaper columnist! Yet
nobody wants to pay me big bucks for my warmed-over Ophrahisms.
Here's my very short guide
to life, offered for free: Stop whining and get on with it.
See? I'm stopping now. I'm
stopping.
Free nice speech
Religious conservatives are co-opting liberals' language,
notes Cathy Young in the January
issue of Reason magazine. When conservatives want public prayer in
public schools, they demand "free speech." When others use their
free speech to criticize religious beliefs, the conservatives demand protection
from "hate speech." They don't really "want religion to
be treated as just another viewpoint in the marketplace of ideas -- a
viewpoint which can be defended but can also be attacked and even ridiculed,
like any other idea," writes Young. "The charge of 'Christian
bashing' (or 'Catholic bashing') has been directed, for instance, at the
ABC show Nothing Sacred, which questioned Catholic doctrine on birth control
and priestly celibacy."
Why the sun revolves around
the earth
A photo of singer Linda Ronstadt graces Prentice Halls middle school
science textbook. Why? Because shes Hispanic and ethnic diversity
is mandatory. Accuracy is not: The book identifies Ronstadt as a silicon
crystal.
A new study
of the 12 most popular middle school science texts found irrelevant photos,
incomprehensible illustrations, undoable experiments and tons of errors.
Such as: A map showing the equator passing through the United States.
``These are terrible books, and they're probably a strong component of
why we do so poorly in science,'' said John Hubisz, a North Carolina State
physics professors who led the study. ``They get people to check for political
correctness, Hubisz said. But nobody checks the science.
Often, middle-school teachers cant correct the texts errors,
especially in physical sciences, because they dont know enough science.
The trouble with textbooks is well-known. Last year, Project
2061 of the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS)
gave unsatisfactory ratings to all the most popular middle-school science
textbooks. Project 2061 said textbooks are filled with too many disconnected
facts and useless classroom activities.
And the disconnected facts arent even right.
Wham, bam, cram
"Teaching
to the test" is a great bugaboo in education. Usually, I think the
critics are off-base: If the test evaluates what students are supposed
to learn, then teachers should teach to it.
But not Maryland-style. On the day the statewide test is given, teachers
follow a script which directs them to teach students the background knowledge
and vocabulary they'll need for the exam, writes Bill Evers in the Jan.
3 Baltimore Sun. "Official Maryland policy is thus for teachers
to 'teach to the test' whatever content is needed 20 minutes prior to
the test itself!" Evers, a Hoover scholar and an education advisor
to our next president, says this "just-in-time" teaching lets
schools off the hook for teaching academic content every other day of
the year.
No columnists in the Cabinet
As a long-time columnist, Ive given up on a top Cabinet job. True,
Ive never sheltered an illegal alien. But Ive expressed a
lot of opinions over the years. Not all of them were politically correct
at the time, and some probably havent stood the test of time.
In Linda Chavez s first post-withdrawal column,
she writes about what she thought would be her problem when she was
nominated for Labor secretary: AFL-CIO staff and other interest
groups began poring through my voluminous writings over two decades as
an editor, columnist and commentator in search of damaging
quotes. They then distributed material taken out of context and used it
to imply that I held positions or opinions that I did not, as any fair
reading of my words would reveal.''
The bland shall lead us. -- 1/17
Quick healer
Faced with a National Enquirer story, the Rev. Jesse Jackson confessed
to fathering a child with a staffer and said he was withdrawing from public
life to reconcile with his wife of 38 years and their five children. After
three days at home in Chicago, the civil rights leader announced his political
resurrection.
In an inauguration day interview with The Associated Press, Jackson said
he could handle the rhythm of the family reconciling process
and his social justice agenda.
When the news broke, Jackson won praise for honesty. He admitted responsibility
and apologized. A few days later, he was blaming unnamed forces for revealing
the scandal during the Ashcroft hearings and praising himself for unselfishly
focusing on the peoples agenda not his own pain.
Outgoing President Bill Clinton, who Jackson counseled during the Lewinsky
scandal, called with healing tips, the minister said. Incoming President
George W. Bush also called. Jackson said hed monitor the policy
choices -- and the morals -- of the new administration.
I guess you cant keep a repentant sinner down.
It seems to me that Jacksons healing -- whatever that
means -- is beside the point. He cant heal the damage to his credibility
as a moral authority. Hes also wounded morale at Rainbow PUSHs
Washington office -- first by the affair with a staffer, then by using
the nonprofit s budget pay her $75,000 in severance and moving expenses.
Hypocrisy isnt a problem for San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown, whos
got a pregnant lady friend. Brown hasnt lived with his wife for
20 years; hes never pretended to be faithful to his marriage vows.
His wife doesnt mind.
Still, I was bothered by Browns casual dismissal of the prospect
of marrying the mother of his child to be. He wouldnt do that to
the mother, he said. The message was clear: Marriage is irrelevant, even
if theres a child in the picture. Marriage is inconvenient. So why
bother?
A father who ducks inconvenient commitments isnt much of a father.
There are too many men like that already. Now theyve got the unrepentant
mayor and the quick-healing minister as their role models. 1/21
Little fish swim free
Bill Clintons pardons werent just for people whod helped
him (stonewaller Susan McDougall) or were rich enough to help Sen. Hillary
(fugitive financier Marc Rich). He also commuted the sentences of 36 non-violent,
first-time, low-level drug offenders
serving long mandatory minimum sentences.
Sentences are based on the weight of drugs involved -- not the defendants
level of involvement in drug sales. While kingpins can reduce
their sentences by testifying against others, the little fish dont
know enough to cut a deal.
For example, Billy Langston was freed after serving six years of a 22-year
sentence. He accompanied a friend who was buying chemicals to manufacture
PCP but did not buy the chemicals or make the drug. Langstons sentence
was three times longer than the combined sentences for the actual PCP
makers.
Repealing the mandatory sentencing law would be an act of justice and
mercy. Does George W. Bush have the courage and compassion to lead the
charge? --1/24
Kids are learning but so
what?
Reading and math scores are up substantially since Edison Schools, Inc.
turned a San Francisco elementary school into Edison Charter Academy,
But some school board members want to lift the charter anyhow. It's against
their "philosophy" to let a corporation run a school, even if
the net result is more learning by low-income, minority students.
Debra Saunders' biting column
in the San Francisco Chronicle explodes the phony arguments of board members
Mark Sanchez and Jill Wynns. For example, scores aren't up because the
charter's attracted some middle-class students. The district's own numbers
show "significant' improvement by students who attended the school
before the charter started, Saunders writes. These are poor kids who desperately
need to succeed in school if they're going to have any chance in life.
--1/28
Fuzzy math on campus rape
College isnt safe for girls, according to a federally funded survey.
In 1996-97, 1.7 percent of female college students were raped and another
1.1 percent experienced an attempted rape that year, concludes the Justice
Department study.
To reach these numbers, researchers relied on a telephone poll that asked
about unwanted sexual experiences. They rejected results of
their second poll, which asked women if theyd been victims of a
crime. In that poll, only 0.16 percent said theyd been raped; another
0.18 percent reported an attempted rape.
It all comes down to definitions. The numbers go way up when the definition
of rape includes women who had sex they didnt really want because
of a promised reward, pestering or verbal pressure. In short, they were
talked into it. That's not rape.
Feminists are the chief peddlers of exaggerated rape statistics, which
tell young women: Dont trust men. Think of yourself as a victim.
Feminism was supposed to empower young women, not scare them off campus.
The truth is that college women have a great deal of control over their
lives. They can avoid unwanted sex by staying sober and refusing to give
in to pleading, pestering or promises. The risk of encountering a violent
rapist is never zero, but it is very low. -- 1/28
Volunteer
The principal warned me that I'd have to be fingerprinted before I could
volunteer to tutor students. It's a state law to screen out rapists and
such. "No problem," I said.
The principal picked up the necessary forms at the district office. I
drove to the school to get the packet, which included a request for fingerprinting
at the County Office of Education, instructions on how to find the COE,
a District Volunteer Application, an Employee Emergency Form, notification
of the mandatory tuberculosis test and a copy of the loyalty oath.
I'd taken a TB test years
earlier when I signed up to volunteer in my daughter's kindergarten class.
But her district doesn't treat volunteers like new employees, so once
I was certified as infection-free I was in.
My 15-year-old TB test didn't
count. After a vain attempt to persuade my doctor that my recent mammogram
should count as a chest X-ray -- it showed no TB, after all -- I drove
to the doctor's office, skimmed the New York Times, did the entire crossword
and, finally, got the TB test. My insurance should cover most of the cost.
That afternoon was Fingerprint Day -- no appointments needed -- at the
County Office of Education, so I hustled 10 miles up the freeway. The
first thing I saw when entering the fingerprint room was the huge "live
scan" machine capable of sending my digitized digital prints to Sacramento.
The second thing I saw was a sign on the machine saying that the $12 fingerprint
fee had to be paid by money order. I knew about the $12. But I hadn't
read the instruction sheet I'd been given carefully enough. It specified
money order (or cashier's check) and warned, "You will NOT be printed
without it." The fingerprint lady consulted with a colleague. They
agreed to take cash. But neither one could change a $20 bill. Neither
could the woman at the receptionist desk or the guy delivering flowers.
Fingerprint Day was almost
over. I got back in my car and sped through the vast office park, heading
for a distant supermarket the receptionist had said was the nearest place
to get change. On the way, I spotted a hotel. The desk people couldn't
help -- nobody pays for a hotel room in cash anymore -- but they directed
me to the gift shop, where I obtained 20 one-dollar bills. Then I drove
back to the office, handed over 12 bills, saw my fingerprints electronically
transferred to the Department of Justice and drove home.
In a few days, I'll drive
back to the doctor's office for a reading on the TB test. Then I'll go
to the school and turn in the forms, including three references of "persons
who know your work." I'll swear to "support and defend the Constitution
of the United States and the Constitution of the State of California against
all enemies, foreign and domestic,'' etc.
Then I'll be allowed to volunteer. -- 1/30
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